I did start writing yesterday. And it felt great, kind of.
And then I read this post by Autumn. It was about being authentic and being yourself and letting it all shine out, even if you might not please everyone with the outcome. And I wondered if I too was writing what I think people wanted to read about. A story that had a good plot and interesting characters and those kinds of things that check boxes.
Autumn wondered if writing was best coming from a raw, gritty place deep inside. From the things we don’t let out or let shine in case of offending others. It was a great post and really struck something inside me.
There is a reason I started writing in the first place. I was once a lonely, scared eleven year old girl who felt invisible. I had a home life that felt out of control and the only safe place was my room, with my pen and a notebook. Writing was the only way out of a life that I didn’t really think I was destined for. I wanted more and I wanted out. So I wrote about the person I wanted to be and the life I wanted to live. I wanted to be far away from the sadness and the anger at my home. Writing was my way of coping with everything else that was out of my hands.
I guess I did escape it all, but in the process lost the real part of my writing. As soon as I was “happy”, then I stopped writing about the raw stuff that made me write in the first place.
If i find the spirit of the girl who started writing in the first place, I might be able to access what I need to be writing about. It might be amazing, but it might not be the kind of thing that everyone (by this I mean, my family) will want to read.
But I said I would try not to be a people pleaser any more and I guess this is part of the way forward.
So, back to the drawing board I go. See you in a few…