Today I want to be accepted as the flawed human being that I am.
Little Bee is allowed to be her 2 years and 9 months old self…with her tantrums, and her wanting to “do it by myself” and then spilling it everywhere, and her bursts of tears when she drops her Bedtime Baby over the side of the bed, and her not wanting to share her snacks or her toys and being so tired after a day in the sun that she just collapses in a heap of tears on my lap before bed, wailing, “It’s been a long day, Mama, and I am too tired to sleep!”…and there isn’t even any need to forgive her or allow her because all these things mean that she is just doing her job as a human. She is learning and growing and changing. Just as she should.
When is the cut off point? Apparently there is a point when we are all supposed to be done with the growing. When we are all supposed to be in good moods all of the time, patient, kind to every living being, never snapping, and of course never frustrated! If we are upset, we shouldn’t show it, we should deal with it in a quiet and sensible way. And definitely no tantrums.
I can’t do it. I just can’t.
I am just not able to be calm and collected all the time. I freak out, I worry, I am too blunt with people, I cry a bunch, I am selfish, I feel guilty about so many things, and I am very moody and yes, I go to that angry place and yell a bit too. If the world doesn’t allow me to be this way, then I can’t share all the wonderful things about me either. My passion for the people I love and the work that I do, my loyalty, my creativity, my kindness and my quirky, a little nutty and completely cheerful side.
If you let me be flawed and if I let me be flawed, and if I can let it all gush instead of trying to be sensible and quiet, then maybe my gifts will come tumbling out too.