I did start writing yesterday. And it felt great, kind of.
And then I read this post by Autumn. It was about being authentic and being yourself and letting it all shine out, even if you might not please everyone with the outcome. And I wondered if I too was writing what I think people wanted to read about. A story that had a good plot and interesting characters and those kinds of things that check boxes.
Autumn wondered if writing was best coming from a raw, gritty place deep inside. From the things we don’t let out or let shine in case of offending others. It was a great post and really struck something inside me.
There is a reason I started writing in the first place. I was once a lonely, scared eleven year old girl who felt invisible. I had a home life that felt out of control and the only safe place was my room, with my pen and a notebook. Writing was the only way out of a life that I didn’t really think I was destined for. I wanted more and I wanted out. So I wrote about the person I wanted to be and the life I wanted to live. I wanted to be far away from the sadness and the anger at my home. Writing was my way of coping with everything else that was out of my hands.
I guess I did escape it all, but in the process lost the real part of my writing. As soon as I was “happy”, then I stopped writing about the raw stuff that made me write in the first place.
If i find the spirit of the girl who started writing in the first place, I might be able to access what I need to be writing about. It might be amazing, but it might not be the kind of thing that everyone (by this I mean, my family) will want to read.
But I said I would try not to be a people pleaser any more and I guess this is part of the way forward.
So, back to the drawing board I go. See you in a few…
Tales from the Beehive 
Thanks for inspiring me for the day! That part about writing what you think people want to read applies to me as I am beginning the journey of blogging.
Aw, thanks for your comment, Ashley. Seeking approval is such a catch isn’t it? Oh well, all part of the journey, right? 😉
It’s all a process. So important to allow ourselves to be where we are on the journey and not let our Editor Mind beat us up for not being further along. You may find that what you started writing is what you do want to write about, and it’s a matter of letting yourself go deeper and rawer.
I’m trying to find that little girl in me, too, the one who wrote as an escape, the one who made up wild and crazy and incredible stories.
She gave me a dream last night, a scary and disturbing dream that kept waking me up. I wrote it down in my morning pages and it’s turned into the seed of a story. Something bigger and more complex than I’ve ever dared write. I’m equal parts terrified and excited.
I think you know what you really want to write. Give yourself permission to do it.
Thanks, Autumn. You are right. I do know what I want to write – I am just scared for what I might find out along the way, I guess. I have started writing…lets see where it takes me. I hope your story is beginning to blossom too…xx