I’d like to build the world a school……

….and it would be like this.

There would be all kinds of children – not just the ones who could afford the tuition.

Our curriculum would be relevant, inspiring, challenging, intellectual, philosophical, spiritual, creative and joyful.

Our teachers would be there because they care about inspiring a new generation of thinkers and creators.  They would be experts in their fields and itching to make a change.  They would respect students and the creativity youth brings.  They would build meaningful relationships with their students and never forget that a sense of humour goes a long way.  There would be no place for shouting or put downs.

Our resources would be chosen with thought for the environment and our health and people around us.

We would grow vegetables for our lunch in the playground and try not to take more from the world than we need.

Science would be with our hands and in nature and on top of mountains, and not just words on a text book page.

Literacy would be storytelling, story writing, debate, drama, talking and using technology to connect with the world and ourselves, and to make movies and music and not just comprehension questions at the end of a chapter.

We would read books, and books and then more books and look at illustrations as art.  We would choose our own books, instead of being told what to read all the time and we would talk about all the words we love.  We would have comfy chairs and beanbags and a quiet, soft space designated each day for wallowing in books of all kinds.

Maths would be solving puzzles, taking risks, creating games, playing games, talking about numbers and patterns and how the world is one beautiful number game.

Music and Art and Drama and Creativity would integrate and permeate everything, not exist in isolation in small dusty rooms at the back of the school.  Music would be heard in the hallways and in the classroom….

We would do Circle Time each week so everyone could have a chance to be heard, even if it was just to share that they had juicy, red tomatoes for lunch!

We would be Thankful each day for all that we have and teach the children by example that we are the lucky ones and not to forget that we need to change the world for the not so lucky ones.

I’d like to build the world a school where education is about experience and doing and not simply measuring a child by the answers they write on a test on one day of their lives.  I want a school that sees the whole child and where assessment is everyday by both the intelligent students themselves and by the brilliant, capable, creative and attentive teachers who know the students better than a test written by a random person.

I’d like the school to be built and loved by everyone who had a stake in it….students, teachers, parents, investors, support staff, gardeners, administrators, cooks, cleaners….

Students would learn that we all have a gift to share with the world and we would support and encourage them to find theirs.  I would like each child to be valued as an individual and noticed for their gifts.

I’d like to build the world a school where children leave feeling able, loved, supported, creative, inspired and ready to create the world that they wish to live in.

I’d like to build the world a school.

The one where she was flawed and it was okay.

Today I want to be accepted as the flawed human being that I am.

Little Bee is allowed to be her 2 years and 9 months old self…with her tantrums, and her wanting to “do it by myself” and then spilling it everywhere, and her bursts of tears when she drops her Bedtime Baby over the side of the bed, and her not wanting to share her snacks or her toys and being so tired after a day in the sun that she just collapses in a heap of tears on my lap before bed, wailing, “It’s been a long day, Mama, and I am too tired to sleep!”…and there isn’t even any need to forgive her or allow her because all these things mean that she is just doing her job as a human.  She is learning and growing and changing.  Just as she should.

When is the cut off point?  Apparently there is a point when we are all supposed to be done with the growing.  When we are all supposed to be in good moods all of the time, patient, kind to every living being, never snapping, and of course never frustrated!  If we are upset, we shouldn’t show it, we should deal with it in a quiet and sensible way.  And definitely no tantrums.

I can’t do it.  I just can’t.

I am just not able to be calm and collected all the time.  I freak out, I worry, I am too blunt with people, I cry a bunch, I am selfish,  I feel guilty about so many things, and I am very moody and yes, I go to that angry place and yell a bit too.  If the world doesn’t allow me to be this way, then I can’t share all the wonderful things about me either.  My passion for the people I love and the work that I do, my loyalty, my creativity, my kindness and my quirky, a little nutty and completely cheerful side.

If you let me be flawed and if I let me be flawed, and if I can let it all gush instead of trying to be sensible and quiet, then maybe my gifts will come tumbling out too.

Space

I just need some of it.  No laundry, no talking, no Pinterest, no email!  All of it just causes a blocked brain…..I need to empty it of everything so that I can think of a something.  Everyone has gone to sleep and the house is so soft and quiet…..my thoughts start to unfold, finally.  Exhale.

And I promise myself for the hundredth time that I will get up early tomorrow, in the space before the rest of the house starts to yawn and stretch, and I will write write write.

Good Girls

In my dreams I was a cool, daring girl who said no to the teacher and went on wild and exciting adventures.  I vowed to myself that when I grew up, when I could escape, I would be that girl.

I wanted to disobey the rules but I just couldn’t.  I don’t even know why?  Was I worried that all of a sudden someone would punish me?  Yes, I guess I was.  People who follow rules are somehow praised by parents and teachers and all the people who influence our early life.  All I wanted was for people to praise me and tell me that I was a good girl.  Good Girl, Nice Girl.  Follow all the rules and use perfect punctuation.

And so I grew into a Nice Girl.  I am sort of interesting and quirky, but never enough to tip the boat.  I guess I am afraid I might fall out into that big mass of water…the unknown.  The unwritten.  I want to be out there, swimming in the ocean, but every time I try, I end up clinging to the boat, afraid that once I jump in, I won’t be able to swim.

Maybe the water will be so beautiful, I may never need the boat again……Maybe punctuation doesn’t matter as much.  As I thought. It did.

Trying to write a tale

Friends and friends to be,

I am beginning a new journey….would you like to join?  I am a writer trying to share her words with the world.  The only problem, I haven’t worked up enough courage to actually share it!! Silly, that I can sit here and write a blog post about not being able to write a word.  But that is the paradox of me.

I can, but I can’t.

I want to, but I don’t.

I am passionate, but I sit back.

I care, but I give up.

I have strength and power, but I am weak.

But maybe soon, I will be scared, but I will put it out there anyway.

I sometimes think I am so unique.  That all these personalities and opposing forces inside me make me so different from everyone out there, and if I could only figure out who I am and what I stand for, I will be able to write what I want to say.

Has it even occurred to me that actually everyone is doing the same and then building a cover, a mask, a layer of designer clothes and pretty makeup just to hide that one thing that makes us all the same? Why am I trying so hard to present a person who is fully formed and has the answer to everything, who is brave enough to share words with the world?  I could just present the little mess that is me and figure it out as I go.

So here you are and here I am.

Hello.